Ambien. No doubt about it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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