hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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