just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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