I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
