at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
