Me. At least after what I've been through.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
