Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
pop tarts are not kleenex
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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