just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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