I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
