Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
