I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
