I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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