And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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