i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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