As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
