Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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