yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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