It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
