I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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