Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
