Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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