did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
