Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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