I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
