He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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