matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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