We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
