In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
