awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
