he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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