It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
