When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
