oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
