Yo dont text me then not text me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
