Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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