Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
