I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
