Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
