That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize