Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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