you're like a bully in the Christmas story
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
