he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
