That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
