Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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