dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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