How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
