3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
