i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
