Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
