Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
