Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
