Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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