the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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