and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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