My boss' voice literally gives me gas
this just has baby written all over it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Your cock deserves a montage
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
