Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
