If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize