bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
