Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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