If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
