1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
