you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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