I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
