I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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