alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
