I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
