i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
