i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
