This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
