Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it glows. i had to have it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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