Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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