the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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