i think my tv is drunk
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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