ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize