So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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