I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
