Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
