Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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