He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
