They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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