Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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