I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
