I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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