ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
