I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize