She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
