Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
