hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
