I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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