i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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