I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
