let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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