After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
