Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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