well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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