Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
