Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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