Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
