all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
