I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
