New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
