Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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