we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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