just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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