You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
