We're facebook friends in real life
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize