It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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